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March 1, 2010

So much running around in my head and so many emotions that it’s hard to put things into a cohesive structure, but I will try.

Have you ever allowed yourself to completely abandon everything and worship God? I mean really letting go of the days cares and concerns and not worrying what other people will think.

I remember well a time when this was a normal practice for me. I used to wish that EVERY day were Sunday so that we could go to the Lord’s house and worship! Man, I would show up early and leave late on Sundays and Wednesdays. Then I found the joy of prayer groups and found that I could abandon myself to worship even more!

As the years passed, though, I would get a little distracted here and there and before you knew it I was still “abandoning” myself to worship out of habit. A little more time passed and I found myself sticking with the habit because it made me appear to have my spirituality together.

Not long after that I began to feel a bit self conscious whenever I would worship. The discomfort turned into “if I worship the way that I should, people will think I am a hypocrite”. And so the excuses to shy away from worship came easier until I was making excuses not to go to church at all.

I was talking to my mother today and she mentioned the song by Casting Crowns, “Slow Fade”. How easy is it to slip into dangerous behaviors and out of the path of righteousness. Over the course of years, I went from being completely reliant on God to take me to tomorrow, to forgetting to talk to Him at all.

So how do you work through that guilt that you are ignoring the ONE who will always love you, support you, sustain you, and be there for you? I can’t, and so I had to go and lay it at Jesus’ feet. I am so unworthy of HIS grace and mercy. I am a wretched sinner, and yet after all this time, HE still wants me to come and abandon myself again to HIM. HE wants to gently love me back into HIS presence, just like in the book of Hosea. (If you have never read or paid attention to Hosea, I encourage you to do so.)

Since today is Sunday, find a place to gather with other believers and allow yourself to listen to HIS voice. You don’t have to go to church to be a Christian, but 9 times out of 10 when people use this excuse it is because they don’t want to be bothered with having to stop what they are doing and meet HIM.

Lord, my prayer is that you would light in me YOUR fire. Fill me up so full that it completely pushes out the carnality of my nature. Purify my mind and anoint my head. Restore to me the JOY of my salvation and renew a RIGHT spirit within me!

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